WIRed for rapport
Imagine having the power to create an exciting and energetic workplace or to develop a more connected and productive team. The secret to transforming the workplace of your dreams from imagination to reality is rapport. Rapport, a French word that translates to “oneness” in English, means a harmonious relationship, or a relationship founded on mutual trust. Your ability to build rapport with others is an innate part of your “social brain.” In other words, you are “wired” to connect and build rapport with others because your brain is designed to be sociable.
When you are in rapport with another person, your body begins to mimic that person’s body language so that your movements seem choreographed—you are “in synch” with that person. Rapport is a fundamental part of relationship building because while new relationships develop everyday, their endurance depends on the strength of the bond created. As taught in our Power Communication course, being in rapport with someone means being in a state in which a person is most responsive to us; it is the most essential step in communication, for, without rapport, no technique in communication can produce the desired results.
According to Daniel Goleman’s, Social Intelligence, a book in which he discusses the science behind human relationships, “When people develop rapport, they are more creative together and more efficient in making decisions—whether it’s a couple planning a vacation itinerary, or top management mapping a business strategy.” Many organizations recognize the value of promoting rapport among its teams and between the organization and its customers, and they train their teams to build rapport. When a strong connection forms between customers and salespeople, it produces a pleasant feeling and, ultimately, creates a bond. This bond is why one continues to do business with a particular bank or local restaurant; one has become comfortable in the relationship with them. An excellent example of this behavior appears in the theme song of the very popular 1980’s sitcom, Cheers, which explains that you want to go “where everybody knows your name.”
Not only does developing rapport feel good, it also strengthens relationships, and, by nature, strong relationships allow you to experience a sense of friendliness and keep you in tune with another person’s feelings. Goleman explains that one of the elements involved in this special connection you form with others is “mutual attention.” This shared attention is essential because when your interest aligns with someone else’s, you create a joint focus. As demonstrated in Rapport’s “Performance Aligned Leadership Model” (P.A.L.M.), found in our Creating a Breakthrough Culture guide, when an organization is out of alignment, many areas of the business “fall through the cracks including customers, revenue, employees, morale, service, communication, and business goals. When an organization and a team are aligned, each person and department moves in the same direction as a cohesive team, with a common focus and vision. This results in synergy for sustainable growth and exponential results.”
Another benefit of being in tune with someone else’s feelings is that it allows you to consider others’ views. A leader who listens to and considers others’ views often makes sound decisions on an organization’s behalf. A leader devoid of these qualities is often driven by the promise of rewards and recognition and may not care how his/her actions affect others. This lack of concern for others may lead a company down the wrong path and negatively affect the bottom line.
A socially intelligent manager takes the approach of being “in tune with others”; s/he astutely recognizes that being willing to listen and even show empathy for others may increase productivity and reduce employee turnover. While a manager’s business knowledge is vital to organizational success, so, too, is social intelligence. Edward Thorndike, a noted psychologist, defines social intelligence as the ability to understand and manage men and women and to act wisely in human relations. Not to be confused with emotional intelligence (the capacity to manage one’s own emotions or the emotions of others), social intelligence is noted by Thorndike as a key ingredient for success in many fields, particularly in leadership.
As a socially intelligent leader, it is not enough just to show empathy; it is equally important to take action to help those in distress or difficulty. When you act on your concern or empathy, you send a message that you are social, you possess basic management skills, and you care enough to help those in need. If one surveys top leaders, past and present, one will discover a common thread of compassion and acts of benevolence within the business or community.
If you believe that when you tune others out and use anger as a motivational tool you increase productivity, then you may be surprised to learn that while more work is done because of your anger, the end result may be an inferior product or service. Additionally, because your brain is “wired” to connect with others’, your team will react according to your mood. Rapport makes you feel good, promotes productivity, and offers other benefits; however, when you expel toxic feelings on someone else, you activate in them circuitry for those same distressing emotions (Goleman). Since the way you express your feelings sets the tone for how others react, you set the mood for your team or department.
Look around and analyze your work environment. Do you see an atmosphere in need of energy and excitement? If so, start with an enthusiastic smile and observe how others smile back. You may also notice that you, too, mirror someone else’s expression because your social brain causes you to reflect back an expression or action you observe in that person. Permeate your work environment with positive behaviors. Be empathetic, listen to others’ concerns, and offer to help when appropriate. Greet others with a vibrant, “Gooooood Morning!” Since these actions are contagious, start by spreading a feel-good epidemic. The acts of smiling, displaying a good mood, listening, and showing empathy are small, yet potent, leadership tools; they may transform the atmosphere in your organization from unproductive and uninspiring to constructive and dynamic. The added benefit is that doing so involves zero monetary investment with the potential for abundant returns!
